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It was just engagement season and if your feed was anything like mine, it was full of proposals. There is so much excitement after getting engaged! Currently, I’m engaged. It’s been several months and we are in the less than 6 month count down to our wedding. While there are so many people who wish you the best and give their congratulations, there is also a ton of word vomit. You know when you hear something, whether it’s directed at you or not, and walk away with a weird vibe, bad taste, whatever. We’re all guilty of it. I know I am! Especially when I’m nervous. Which is basically in any situation where I’m unfamiliar with people, think I’m being evaluated or judged, or am caught off guard by something. I’m not being the pot calling the kettle black. I’m just trying to help you avoid word vomitting to a new bride or groom to be by listing out the things NOT to say to someone who just got engaged. And yes, these all have happened to me in the last several months.
How many carats is your ring?
First and foremost, do not ask how many carats the ring is. Just don’t. It’s just like asking how much it costs. Which I hope you were raised to never ask. If not, I’m telling you now. I have not even asked my fiancé this question. Plus, if you’re one to know about diamonds, you know it’s not just carats– it’s clarity, color, and cut that all enhance the appearance, and in turn the cost, of a ring.
I can’t wait for your wedding.
Well, umm you might be waiting a long time. I had so many people say this that made me think.. do you expect to be invited? Don’t just assume you’re invited to someone’s wedding. You know what they say about assuming. Yes, even if they were your best friend in middle school. Yes, even if your still good friends. You never know. Now, telling someone you can’t wait to see how beautiful they look is one thing because you can see that in your pictures. But, saying you can’t wait for the event can be interpreted as you think you are invited.
How much are you going to spend on your wedding?
This is typically a conversation for the bride, the groom, and their families. Money is often private and asking someone their wedding budget (unless you’re their planner or a vendor) is inappropriate and may even cause some added stress. It’s none-ya-business.
Who will your bridesmaids be?
Just come out and say it. “Pick me, Pick me!” I’m kidding. Yes, its a huge honor to be asked to be in someone’s wedding as a bridesmaid, house party, whatever. But, it’s also a stressful decision for the bride. She may be dealing with numbers, not wanting to leave someone out, or not wanting to hurt feelings. Sisters, cousins, etc all add to the mix and you never know what pressures someone has from family, friends, or other ‘obligations.’ Just because someone doesn’t ask you to be a bridesmaid in their wedding, doesn’t mean they don’t love and cherish you and your friendship.
I hope you don’t get married ____.
Whether this is a referring to a specific date or in a specific venue or location, just don’t. The only thing that matters is where the bride and groom want to get married and when. It’s not about you, your calendar, or what’s convenient for you.
It’s about time!
Is it? How do you know what is best for someone or when it is right for them to get married? Maybe they HAD to wait to get engaged for a reason you don’t know about. Maybe they were enjoying the progression of their relationship and didn’t need or want to rush into an engagement. Maybe she was ready and he wasn’t, or vis-versa. You don’t know why it happened when it did. And it doesn’t matter. (I can’t count the number of times I heard this one. Insert eye-roll emoji times ten here).
Were you surprised?
Even if the couple went ring shopping, or she had an idea, or whatever the case.. the girl likely didn’t know EVERY detail. Even if she did (for all you girls who go digging and think every moment is ‘the one’) saying “Nope.” sort of ruins the moment, doesn’t it? For example, I knew mine was coming. I had accidentally seen the ring in a picture. I didn’t know exactly when, where, or how. And I certainly didn’t know all of our family and friends would be waiting to surprise us after. (Read more about our engagement story here.)
I guess you are at that age.
You’re right. I turned 29 and decided, ‘Yes, now that I have hit this number, I shall marry.’ Umm.. what? You can legally marry at 18 and people get married at all ages. What age is THAT age? I’m not just at a certain age and that is why I decided to get married. I am in love and happy and want to commit to share my life with someone. That can come at many ages!
It’s a common question and I think it’s fine to say, but “have you set a date yet?” gets real annoying, real quick. We went so back and forth on when and where (stay tuned!) that this question was stressful. Some people even asked us the next day. Umm no, we just got engaged and want to ENJOY it. I don’t think I realized all the pressure to ‘set a date’ so quickly. We enjoyed the days after our engagement and didn’t go into crazy planning mode. It will all get done. The date will get set.
We all word vomit. No biggie. And truthfully, everyone is different. What one person finds offensive, odd, or inappropriate, another might not. If you think you may have said something that made someone uncomfortable or that was unexpected, just apologize. We’re all guilty of saying the wrong thing at the wrong time and it really should be no big deal. As long as you’re trying to express your excitement and congratulations to the couple, all is good.
I’d like to add, that if you are someone’s very best friend, it’s probably fine to ask some of these questions. My absolute closest girlfriends and I don’t have much that is ‘off limits’ (actually, I can’t think of anything that is). So yes, they asked, and yes, I answered. I may have even asked them a few of these. It’s situational and this post applies to other friends, family, coworkers, or even randoms who don’t fall into your ‘nothing is off limits’ category. 🙂
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Can we talk about this white dress? You guys. I love it. It’s a steal version of a For Love and Lemons one that I was seriously crushing on but just never pulled the trigger. I love white, always, but now being a bride-to-be I’m definitely stocking up on it more. This one is super flattering on because it has sort of a bell silhouette that hugs in all the right places. AKA you can eat and drink to your heart’s content in it. I paired it with OTK boots for more of a winter vibe (or a Texas winter anyways), but will be wearing it with strappy sandals, wedges, and pumps come spring. I felt like it had a little 60’s vibe to it anyways, so I paired it with my round sunnies to play off that. The earrings I have on compliment grey tones perfect and this ring.. I can’t stop wearing it. It brings a little sparkle to my day when I look down at it while typing reports at work. I’ve linked both the splurge and steal options of this dress, with the steal one being under $60!!
Photos by The Retro Penguin